Comment Wall

Writer at work
Writer at Work




Comments

  1. Hey, Dorothy! I really enjoyed clicking through your project! As far as aesthetics go, I love the look and the set up of your project website. I think it is really well organized and flows perfectly for this sort of project. Truthfully, my only critique of your portfolio so far is the lack of hyperlinks! I really love your first story and I think it is written very technically well. I do wish, however, there was a bit more creative freedom with how you told your story. I think I relied a lot on your authors note to fully grasp exactly what is going on , but I really enjoyed it! I love how you are able to really build off of the source text given the confines that you are working with. Overall, I cannot wait to see where this project goes, and to see how it expands in the coming weeks! best of luck to you!

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  2. Hi Dorothy! I like the set-up of your page a lot! It is very clean looking. I also liked the photos that you used; they went with the theme very well. Good job of the set-up of your page! I think you could add some hyperlinks to connect the pages, just so it makes a little bit easier to click back and forth. I was a bit confused about how to get to your main page from the comment wall but other than that, I think that your website is great! As for the story, I really enjoyed it! I was curious to know more about the Rakshashas as well, and I think you added some depth to them that wasn't necessarily in the Ramayana itself. I think one thing that could help strengthen your story a bit more is if you put some of what you said in your author's note in the story. I understood the message that you were trying to get across, but I didn't see it as clearly in the story. I hope that makes sense! Great job!

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  3. Hello Dorothy. I think the organization you have going for your project home page is great. I appreciate organization and ease of access more than image flair, so I like that you have a section in the left part of the screen for quickly navigating between the stories, comment wall, and the home page. The first story you have up right now is fantastic! I honestly almost forgot I was reading a version from a fellow student, it was like reading an adapted novel of this scene! The dialogue was super engaging, and the part with Rama consecutively denying Lakashmana was really intense. I really don't have any glaring issues with the way you adapted your version of the tale, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Great stuff!

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  4. Hey Dorothy,
    Wow I really liked how you decided to shift the focus of the story to better represent who Soorpanaka is as a character. I found the organization of the story to be really great and I really enjoyed the dialogue used. I also found it kind of crazy that they cut off her nose, ears, and breasts. I wonder why the different versions of the original story do not incorporate the information you discovered of Soorpanaka, it helped a lot to understand a little of her origins. It definitely makes a lot more sense on her willingness to help Rama knowing that Ravana killed her husband. What if you drew out that fact a little more in the story? I was able to understand that's the direction you were going after reading the authors notes but from just reading it was still a little vague what message you wanted to get across.

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  5. Hi Dorothy!
    Your story is impressively engaging and a great read. I wanted to continue reading it and to know what would happen, and you transition throughout the story wonderfully. While reading, you use great details to make sure that the reader knows how the characters are feeling or how they look. In a few instances, like when Soorpanka is wondering about Sita, I think a little more detail about her thoughts or what she imagines would help cue the reader into her feelings and lead some foreshadowing into what she will do next. It could also add a little drama to the story or give you an opportunity to allude to other parts of the epic. Your story includes an abundance of descriptive words, insight into the characters thoughts, and interesting dialogue, so I do not think it is lacking at all. These are just ideas for new things to add! Great job!
    Sincerely,
    Rachel

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  6. Hi Dorothy! I really enjoyed reading your story and the fact that you were re-telling another story, but making various changes of your own. It is an awesome read because I had not read that particular story so this was the first version of it that I had read! I think it is really neat and creative how you were able to sympathize with the antagonist a bit, as you mentioned in the author's note. Not many people will try to portray the antagonist as someone who is misunderstood or as a person who has feelings/emotions as well. The best part was the surprise attack of Lakshmana, as I had totally forgot that he was there as well! You did a fantastic job in telling this story and it felt like it was out of the original readings. I cannot find anything to critique other than maybe you could go into more detail on what Soorpanaka looked like before her disguise. Great stuff!!

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  7. Dorothy,

    I really like the design of your blog. I find it nice that it is clean and concise. The thought that you put into the organization of the blog is refreshing. I read your first story and was really impressed. Your writing quality is superb. If you were to put this on a blind test, I would have most likely have thought that this was actually in the epic. Your dialogue and background information was very helpful when it came to describing the scene and the characters' intentions. Good evidence of good writing skills is making sure that the writer can understand the perspective of the antagonist, and you did a great job of making sure that the readers could somewhat understand what Soorpanaka was trying to do. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and I look forward to reading more pieces that you decide to publish in the future.

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  8. Hi Dorothy! I am back from a few weeks ago, and I read your second story for this week. I can tell that you put a lot of effort into these stories, and have improved from the previous one, which I liked a lot! I enjoyed seeing more dialogue and inner monologues from these characters, as I feel like dialogue adds a more personal relationship with the characters. I liked that you decided to add another layer to Menaka. I agree with you in that the women in all of these stories have been treated unfairly, and that they do not deserve forgiveness and patience to necessarily be the most important qualities of a woman, especially when it comes to men. They often seem like the pawns of the men in the story, and I always love seeing different takes where women are more empowered and have a personality outside their families. Great job on this!

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  9. Hi Dorothy,
    Your stories are very captivating and exciting. I enjoyed getting to read your take on the original versions. I like your blog design as well, having the links be on the left-hand side is super neat. I appreciate how in your author's notes you specify how much or how little you vary from the original story. Your note's provide key details for the readers' understanding. It's interesting how you wrote the Rakshasas and your author's note helped explain your reason for that. Your note's also show what research you did to maintain accuracy. I think when you talked about the ideal Indian woman that was something necessary and crucial to point out and discuss so I am glad you included that in your ending note. It certainly adds more meaning to the stories and gives us something to think about. All of your notes are very helpful and educational as well as being superb explanations of your personal train of thought and perspective behind the stories.
    Good job and good luck with the ending weeks of this semester!
    -Ann Marie

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  10. Hi Dororthy,
    I really enjoyed going through your story portfolio. You have some great writing skills and you had me hooked the whole time. I feel like your blog design could use some work, maybe adding titles to the stories or even adding some pictures here and there just to give it that little extra bit of flare. I like the pictures your used in the middle of the stories though I feel like they added a nice touch. Your reading notes really helped my understand what your stories were about and gave me a little insight before I actually dived into the story. I like how you brought up the point of women being treated unfairly in these stories and I think this is pretty obvious to most. I think you are on the right track to finish out this semester strong. I enjoyed going through your work and I hope I can come back to this at the end of the semester. Good luck.
    Philip Crowley

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